Voices
by MissFiyerabaMeponineSherlock
Summary: Eponine winced as she plunged the needle into her arm. It wasn't the first time she'd turned to drugs as an escape from the constant pain and torment she felt. She felt numb and her thoughts faded, being replaced by voices. Whenever she used drugs she heard the voices. M/E Modern day AU
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! So, I wasn't originally going to write this as I had written **_**Echoes**_** instead, but WeAllHaveAnEscape suggested that I write it. So here it is! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Les Misérables or any of the characters**

**Also, I would like to dedicate this to WeAllHaveAnEscape as I would not have written it has she not suggested it. So, without further ado, here it is!**

Eponine winced as she plunged the needle into her arm. It wasn't the first time she'd turned to drugs as an escape from the constant pain and torment she felt. She felt the familiar rush as the crystal meth entered her blood stream. Her heart sped up and her vision blurred, the dark alleyway she was sitting in almost seemed to disappear. She felt numb and her thoughts faded, being replaced by voices. Whenever she used drugs she heard the voices. They were hallucinations, of course, but Eponine did not realise that when she was intoxicated. They seemed real to her. Some of the voices weren't too bad, some were absolutely awful. They told her things, horrible things. She'd nearly killed herself because of some of the things they said. Eponine had jumped in front of a moving car. She'd been severely injured, but she had lived, though she hadn't been found for a couple of days (the driver of the car had sped off, not wanting to deal with the fact that he'd hit someone), by which point the drugs had left her system. When they'd asked her what had happened, Eponine had told them that she just hadn't been paying attention and was hit by the car. She'd tried, once, to hang herself, but had been stopped by Azelma and then talked out of it. No one knew that she did drugs, and Eponine wanted it to stay that way. She always waited until nightfall to use drugs, and she never used them at home. She knew that the drugs were bad for her, that they could kill her, but they provided an escape, even if only a temporary one, from the hell that was her life. Besides, the horrible voices weren't always the ones that she heard. Most of the time, she didn't hear the horrible voices, the ones that told her to kill herself. But on some nights...

_You're worthless..._ One of the voices told her, _No one will ever love you._

_Maybe you should just jump into the Seine and drown._ Another added.

_Why even bother living? You really ought to stab yourself._

_Just give up. You have no reason to live._

_Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die._

_No one will miss you and no one will stop you if you try to kill yourself._

Eponine ran her fingers through her hair and tried her best to block out the voices, but she found it hard to focus on anything.

_You're unloved by your mother and father, your brother ran away, your best friend will never love you like you love him. Why live? Why not just end it? Come on, it would be so easy! You know where your father keeps his gun. _

"No... stop it!" Eponine cried out, wanting the voices to go away. It had been a particularly awful day for her. Montparnasse had nearly taken advantage of her, her father had beaten her rather horribly, and Marius had kept going on about some blonde girl he fancied. Eponine wanted a break from all of it; she wanted a break from her life. Sometimes it was just too much! That's why she used drugs. Though, like now, the drugs didn't always help her, didn't always provide the escape she so desperately needed. Sometimes the voices were just too horrible. Like they were now.

_Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die._

_You don't deserve to live._

_Give up now._

_Just end it._

_Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die._

"Stop it!" Eponine covered her ears, but to no avail. The voices were in her head.

_No one loves you, no one cares about you._

_Marius wouldn't miss you._

_Marius doesn't even care about you. Why would he? You're nothing._

"Go away! Leave me alone!" In an attempt to distract herself, Eponine dug her nails into her arms and scratched them, drawing blood. While this did cause pain, it did not stop the voices.

_You're a waste of space, you're useless. Just die already._

_No one needs you, no one wants you._

_Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die._

"Leave me alone!" she screamed. She started pulling at her hair, still trying to distract herself from the voices. Then she heard footsteps. She scrambled to hide the needle and the small vial of crystal meth.

_End it. Just do it already._

_No one wants you to live._

_No one will miss you when you're gone._

_No one will even remember you._

_Kill yourself. Do it. _

_Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die._

"Stop it!" Eponine exclaimed, digging her nails into her scalp now.

"'Ponine?"

Eponine froze. She knew that voice. Marius. She looked up and saw him approaching her. He studied her. He noticed that she was trembling, that her eyes were dark and wild, that her skin was flushed. He noticed the bloody scratches on her arms and he noticed that she was breathing rapidly. He also noticed that she would not meet his eyes. He gently placed a hand on her shoulder.

"'Ponine, what's going on?" he asked.

_He doesn't really care. He's just being polite._

_He's not really your friend._

"Stop, stop, stop, stop!" Eponine muttered under her breath. Marius looked again at her arms and, this time, he noticed the track marks. He gasped in shock as he realised what she'd been doing.

"But Eponine... why?" he asked her.

"Because my life is hell!" she replied, digging her nails into her arms once again. Marius grabbed her hands and pried them off her arms. "I can't take it, Marius. I just can't!" Tears were streaming down her face.

_He doesn't care. _

_Why even bother? Just kill yourself and do everyone else a favour._

"Stop!"

"Stop what?" Marius asked softly.

"The voices! They won't stop, they never stop!"

"And, these voices, what do they say?"

"They say that I should kill myself, that I don't deserve to live, that you don't care." Eponine told him, her voice shaking.

_Because he doesn't care about you. He never has and never will._

_Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die._

"Stop, stop, STOP!"

"Come with me, 'Ponine." Marius said, "Come back to my flat, you can sleep it off." Eponine didn't say anything, but nodded. He guided her back to his flat. Every couple of minutes, she would mutter something under her breath that sounded like 'shut up'. Marius brought her over to his bed and she lay down. "Sleep now, 'Ponine. When you wake, the voices will be gone. Don't worry, I'll stay with you until you're sleeping."

It took Eponine a while to fall asleep. The voices refused to leave her alone, but eventually sleep found her. Marius watched her for a while, as she slept. He wondered how long Eponine had been using for. It scared him to think that she could have been doing this for awhile, that it could very well have some long term effects. He knew that when she woke in the morning, he would have to talk to her about it. He couldn't let her continue to use drugs, he cared about her far too much. She was, after all, his best friend, and after many years of knowing her, Marius had developed some deeper feelings for Eponine. He had never told her that, fearing that she would not feel the same way. He gently pressed a kiss to her forehead before laying down next to her and drifting off.

...

Marius woke the next morning when sunlight streamed into the room through the window. He looked down at Eponine, who, while sleeping, had draped an arm across his stomach. Marius couldn't help but smile. His smile quickly faded as he remembered what he would have to talk to her about when she woke. Eponine slept a little bit longer before waking. Her eyes were no longer wild looking and she seemed to be quite calm.

"Bon matin, Monsieur." Eponine said as she looked at him.

"Good morning, 'Ponine." Marius replied. For a moment, both were silent. Marius was the first to speak, "'Ponine, about last night–"

"I know, Marius. I know that drugs are bad. I know that I shouldn't do them."

"Then why do you?"

"Because they provide an escape. Well, most of the time they do..."

"They also make you hear voices that tell you to kill yourself." Marius said pointedly.

"Not all the time. Sometimes the voices aren't that bad."

"Eponine, hearing voices is never a good thing. Even when they aren't telling you to kill yourself."

"I know that... and it's not like I haven't tried to quit. I have tried, but I get cravings and I go through withdrawal and it's just too much!" she told him. "I've tried, Monsieur. But I'm not strong. I can't do it."

"Yes you can. Eponine, you are the strongest person I know. You can get through this. _We_ can get through this."

"We..." She whispered, echoing him.

"I'll support you 100% of the way." He told her. "I never told you this before, but I think now is as good a time as any... 'Ponine, I believe I may be a little in love with you." Eponine smiled, tears of happiness creeping into her eyes.

"Now I know I can get through this," She said, "because I have you." She knew, of course, that it would not be easy to get over her addictions. Such things never are. But she had a new found strength, the kind one can only find when they are loved by the one that they love. She kissed him softly. Marius kissed her back, wrapping his arms around her as he did so. "I love you, Marius."

"I love you too, 'Ponine."

**I hope ya liked it. I might post another chapter in which Eponine struggles with withdrawal, but I don't know. What do you guys think?**


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't know why I'm awake right now... Anyway, here it is. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Les Mis or the characters... and for good measure, I don't own any crystal meth... at the moment. No, no, I'm just kidding :P I don't do meth. Oh and, uh, I don't own Aleve. Well, I do, but I don't own the rights to it. Y'all know what I mean. And I don't own War and Peace.**

Eponine was shaking. A lot. She couldn't control it. It had only been 48 hours and withdrawal had hit her hard. Her body craved crystal meth, but Eponine had promised Marius that she would stop. It was a promise that she intended to keep. She was sitting on the floor in Marius' flat, hugging her knees to her chest. Marius was in class. She knew he would be back soon.

She rubbed her temples, her head throbbing. Headaches... one of the worst parts of withdrawal. She felt like someone was stabbing her in the head, like her head might explode. Her stomach felt like it had flipped over, making her nauseous, and her mind was overwhelmed with worries. And that was the anxiety part of withdrawal, which was never fun. And then, of course, there was the shaking. The constant shaking. That came from craving the drug. She was hyperventilating too, and she was finding it rather hard to stop. Her forehead was beaded with an icy sweat and her heart randomly sped up at times.

The door opened and Marius walked in. His eyes immediately found Eponine and he hurried over to her. He set his bag down before kneeling next to her. She continued to shake uncontrollably. Marius wrapped his arms around her and held her small frame close to him.

"Deep breaths, 'Ponine." Marius said, "Breathe in for four seconds, hold for two, out for six." Eponine tried that and succeeded in slowing down her breathing very slightly. She knew that if she continued to hyperventilate that she would faint. Her head throbbed painfully and she winced. "Headache?" Marius asked. She nodded. He kissed her temple lightly, "I'll get you some Aleve." He got up and walked over to the kitchen. He searched through the cupboard where he kept the medicine and soon found the small pill bottle entitled Aleve. He filled a glass with water and then brought both the pill bottle and water back over to Eponine. "Here," he said as he handed them to her. She smiled weakly before taking them from him. Marius sat down next to her as she took the capsules. He gently rubbed her back. She set the glass and the pill bottle down on the ground next to her. Marius wrapped his arms around her again. Eponine convulsed, her body craving what she refused to give it. Marius kissed her hair, then her forehead, then her cheek, then her lips. "We can get through this, 'Ponine." he said. She smiled slightly and rested her head against his chest. She felt so tired. Ah, and there was the energy loss. "Do you want me to read to you?" he asked her, knowing how that always seemed to calm her down. Eponine nodded. Marius reached into his bag and pulled out his copy of War and Peace, by Leo Tolstoy. Marius read, "_"Well, Prince, so Genoa and Lucca are now just family estates of the Buonapartes. But I warn you, if you don't tell me that this means war, if you still try to defend the infamies and horrors perpetrated by that Antichrist- I really believe he is Antichrist- I will have nothing more to do with you and you are no longer my friend, no longer my 'faithful slave,' as you call yourself! But how do you do? I see I have frightened you- sit down and tell me all the news."_

_It was in July, 1805, and the speaker was the well-known Anna Pavlovna Scherer, maid of honor and favorite of the Empress Marya Fedorovna. With these words she greeted Prince Vasili Kuragin, a man of high rank and importance, who was the first to arrive at her reception. Anna Pavlovna had had a cough for some days. She was, as she said, suffering from la grippe; grippe being then a new word in St. Petersburg, used only by the elite._" He continued to read to Eponine until late into the night, stopping occasionally to give her a quick kiss, or to ask how she was feeling, or to get her something to eat. Eponine still shook, but she found it easier to get through when she had something to focus on: Marius. She listened to his heartbeat more than she did to War and Peace. The sound comforted her and almost made withdrawal bearable. She liked listening to his voice as well, even if she wasn't paying attention to the words.

Eponine closed her eyes and just listened. Marius glanced down at her and smiled slightly. He continued to read,

"_"And what do you think of this latest comedy, the coronation at Milan?" asked Anna Pavlovna, "and of the comedy of the people of Genoa and Lucca laying their petitions before Monsieur Buonaparte, and Monsieur Buonaparte sitting on a throne and granting the petitions of the nations? Adorable! It is enough to make one's head whirl! It is as if the whole world had gone crazy."_

_Prince Andrew looked Anna Pavlovna straight in the face with a sarcastic smile._

_"'Dieu me la donne, gare a qui la touche!' _**(1) **_They say he was very fine when he said that," he remarked, repeating the words in Italian: "'Dio mi l'ha dato. Guai a chi la tocchi!'"_" Marius looked down at Eponine again and found that her breathing was slow and deep. Her eyes fluttered occasionally and she had a small smile on her face. She was asleep. Marius put the book back in his bag and then gently lifted Eponine and carried her over to the bed. He lay her down and pulled the blankets up so that they covered her. Then he lay down next to her, wrapping his arms around her. The shaking had somewhat subsided and was now just the occasional tremor. He kissed her cheek lightly before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

...

Eponine awoke in the middle of the night from a nightmare. She was used to nightmares, but this one had seemed to real, so vivid. She had dreamed that her father had sold her to a pimp, but now, as she lay in Marius' arms, it felt more like a memory than a dream. A few tears fell from Eponine's eyes and she started to shake again. Feeling her shake, Marius awoke and looked at her. He saw the tears. He softly wiped them away.

"What's wrong?" he asked her.

"Really awful nightmare." she replied. "It seemed so real..." Vivid dreams are another part of withdrawal.

"What happened in your nightmare?"

"My father sold me to a pimp." she told him, shaking even more. Marius held her close.

"It was just a dream, you're safe. I'm here and I won't let anything bad happen to you. I'm here."

"That's all I need to know." Eponine kissed him softly. He kissed her back, smiling slightly. Then, she rested her head against his chest and, listening to his heartbeat, fell back asleep. Marius stayed awake a bit longer, until he was sure that she was asleep before he himself went back to sleep.

...

The next couple of days passed in much the same way. Eponine would shake and have horrible headaches and have anxiety attacks, and Marius would talk to her and read to her, effectively calming her down.

And then, as weeks went by, the withdrawal symptoms started to go away. The shaking stayed the longest, but after a month, that too had gone. Eponine still craved crystal meth, but she knew that, with Marius by her side, she could get through that. She found her strength in him.

**And that concludes this two-shot story. I hope you enjoyed! Please review!**

**(1) God has given it to me, let him who touches it beware!**


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